dirty martini

old music for new people

two miles an hour so everybody sees you June 8, 2008

long before will smith extolled the virtue of driving slowly through the summer heat, to ensure potential hookups got to see you looking your best, crews who weren’t old enough to drive found another way to look cool.

they lugged a fifty pound ghettoblaster round town all day.  any less than four people looked desperate – boom boxing was a group activity, plus, it was heavy work. ghettoblasters generally required four to six huge batteries to keep going for, ooh, two hours, and so you might think the lads would plan strategically for maximum impact from their hard earned. nope.

instead of trying to impress girls and finding out where they would be, you could usually find boom boxers outside hotspots such as:

  • hanging around outside woolies
  • in the tesco trolley area
  • round the back of the bingo hall
  • on deckchairs on the beach near all the OAPs
  • on a bench in the middle of a roundabout
  • in the local park

hmm. the girls are at each others houses, getting their fake id ready to go out and meet boys who have cars and don’t need to lope around town with a boombox on their shoulder…

download here

brooklyn funk essentials – do or die bedstuy

bvsmp – i need you

doug e fresh – the show

full force – your love is so def

just ice – latoya

kurtis blow – if i ruled the world

ll cool j – i need love

rocksteady crew – hey you

run dmc – it’s tricky

slick rick – mona lisa

utfo – fly girl

whistle – just buggin’

 

babies making babies December 20, 2007

baby.jpg 

so, jamie lynn spears is pregnant. big surprise, that one. her family have been so busy watching britney self-destruct they took their eye off the hormonal teenager. textbook.

to be honest, she looks so much older its not that shocking. not like when sarah in corrie had a baby at 12. jamie lynn looks at least 23 to me.

er…congrats? good luck might be more appropriate.

as for the music – opinion is divided. as in life.

download here

aaliyah – age ain’t nothin’ but a number

now, aaliyah didn’t have any babies, but she did allegedly marry r.kelly at the age of 15. which was equally inadvisable. age is nothin’ but a number…and the law ain’t nothin’ but a judge in a wig.

alfonso ribeiro – not too young

yes, as in carlton banks from fresh prince. in the 80s he was apparently influenced heavily by new edition and this track has ‘candy girl’ all over it…no matter, all i can visualise is that dancing.

collie buddz – young girl 2 rude

don’t be fooled – collie may look like a trousersnake wannabe but he’s a reggae artist. and he’s not reggae’s answer to eminem either. he’s much better than that.

cool notes – you’re never too young

band members steve and lorraine’s baby is bradley mcintosh of s club fame. his musical heritage was not something that was mentioned during s club’s moment in the spotlight. probably thought it was too embarrassing – for the parents.

guru – young ladies

guru with added patra, kool keith and big shug.

janet jackson – young love

janet, of course, lives under the suspicion of having been a teen mum herself. the increasingly desperate debarges ‘leaked’ details of janet’s supposed daughter from her marriage to james debarge. the jury’s still out…

john david lewis – high school lady

quite who this person was and why he was singing about high school girls is anyone’s guess…

khadejia – here we go

wyclef jean affiliate khadejia didn’t do anything else, as far as I know.

musiq – 17

this song is about a girl who lies about her age in order to hook up with someone older…hey we all did it.

nicole ray – seventeen

i don’t quite get if ‘nicole’, ‘nicole ray’ and ‘nicole wray’ are all one and the same artist. did one of them do the song that was sampled for ‘nicole’s groove’?

prince – lolita

new skool prince that sounds satisfyingly old.

solange knowles – naive

b advises solo to act her age, slow it down, and….she ignored it. this was more of an embarrassment than matthew knowles was prepared to admit. when will people learn that the easiest way to get a kid to do something is to tell them not to do it?

 

the sound of summer August 25, 2007

late-beer.jpg 

ok, i’m getting this one in quick. its bank holiday weekend and i’m reliably infomed that this weekend is going to resemble summer. as reliable as uk forecasters get anyway, what’s this 90% chance of rain business? they can never be wrong!

so this weekend, make the most of it and secretly thank god that your failed diet summer 2007 can be put on the backburner until the new year. i’ve actually learned to cope with rain better than i used to so that’s something good to come out of the monsoon.

and if the weather fails us again? girls – that boots brand airbrush fake tan, the one thats been half price, is quite good and much cheaper than the l’oreal version. it just smells a bit like a candle burning out, but not entirely unpleasant…

songs we haven’t had much need for this yeardownload here

jazzy jeff and the fresh prince – summertime

i used to know all the words to this. ok, i still do. this version is a remix that i don’t remember. it may be new or old but its by yam who.

dove shack – summertime in the lbc

g funk classic. no idea who they are.

isley brothers – summer breeze

one of my mum’s favourite songs by one of the greatest soul bands ever.

10cc -dreadlock holiday

‘i don’t like cricket. i love it.’ eh? sounds like a compliment from simon cowell.

another level – summertime

from the boys’ second album. their last single, if i remember correctly.

belinda carlisle – summer rain

the musical embodiment of the word ‘humid’.

bob marley – sun is shining

the original version, not the ibiza remix.

deeelite – picnic in the summertime

who can resist lady miss kier and co? from their 1995 album dewdrops in the garden.

stevie wonder – summer soft

one of many stevie wonder songs dealing with summer and sunshine.

lighthouse family – ocean drive

south beach is summer.

friends of distinction – grazing in the grass

have barely walked on grass this year let alone sat on it!

chic – a warm summer night

disco queens chic actually made some mellower tracks too, like this one.