dirty martini

old music for new people

advent calendar: the remix December 24, 2008

funkyxmas

ok, not quite the 12 days of christmas, and not even a bit seasonal, but a 90s r&b remix for every year. enjoy!

download 90s remixes

1990 – samuelle – so you like what you see – teddy riley remix

1991 – r.kelly – she’s got that vibe – jerv remix

1992 – shanice – i love your smile – hakeem’s remix

1993 – janet jackson – if – tnt bass remix

1994 – mary j blige – mary’s joint – puffy’s remix

1995 – smooth – mind blowin’ – kenny smoove illmatic remix

1996 – blackstreet – don’t leave me – goodbye remix

1997 – shades – tell me – characters remix

1998 – destiny’s child – with me – full crew remix

1999 – jennifer lopez – feelin’ so good – bad boy remix

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you can’t give a baby booze September 3, 2007

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 drinking and music just works.  given that we do not live in a musical and most of us aren’t one of the kids from fame, we need a little liquid encouragement to start shaking it in a public place.

alcohol has moved on during my clubbing lifetime. in my early 90s, underage with someone else’s fake ID days, we drank some disgusting concoctions. snakebite and black, pernod and black, malibu and pineapple. not forgetting of course the infamous taboo and mirage which were rubbish because they didn’t get you pissed as quickly. pimms was avoided for the very same reason. it was spirits, cider, lager and wine.

the alcopops invasion happened when i started university, with hooch and two dogs ‘lemonade’. the former made my throat hurt it was so acidic and the latter’s alcohol content seemed to be entirely derived from sugar. bacardi breezers are still going strong but others we have loved and lost – ginzing, jammin’ (loved the blue and silver ones, yellow banana one was yuck), decoda (cream soda, yum), metz, woody’s and the best ever, smirnoff mule.

when you’re a penniless student though, sod sophistication and refinement. your alcohol budget (all of your available cash not spent on bus fare and bagels) can be stretched further than six 79p alcopops from the offie. oh yes, you can make the ‘i’ve been tangoed’ by mixing lambrusco, gin and orange juice for that just been hit over the head feeling. the unpopular and therefore cheap castaway, mixed with diamond white for a cocktail that will render you senseless in the student bar. 

once you graduate and have a bit more cash (I did only say a bit) all three flavours of aftershock can be dumped into a pint glass containing a bottle of smirnoff ice to produce a deceptively misty looking yet lethal concoction best consumed when you have a designated driver. ok, as a girl, i have never done this but its a twentysomething male staple along with vodka and red bull for those morning after shakes.

now? well, if i order a cocktail that costs less than a fiver I congratulate myself on not going overboard. pathetic…

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2pac – pour out a little liquor

busta rhymes – pass the courvoisier

d’angelo – one mo’ gin

j-kwon – tipsy

jutbox and cassie – at the bar

omarion and usher – icebox

public announcement – put your drink down

snoop dogg – gin and juice

solange knowles – champagne chronic nightcap

tony toni tone – slow wine

too short – cocktails

ub40 – red red wine

young black teenagers – tap the bottle

 

i taste just like candy August 27, 2007

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everyone loves sweets, so what better way to demonstrate your love than by likening the object of your affection to your favourite candy?

i remember throwing an almighty strop because my infant school boyfriend got a love heart saying ‘sugar lips’ from my so-called best friend. similarly, you had to be careful not to encourage anyone desperate so would make sure they got a suitably neutral message ‘hi there’ or ‘whats up?’ usually did the trick.

a well-timed love heart could get you the plum role of princess leia or princess from battle of the planets, whilst the other girls got stuck playing hopscotch. playground politics at its best. 

sweet associations in music are sometimes innocent, sometimes obvious and sometimes….ll cool j (see below).

food and love are inextricably linked…

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aaron skyy – chocolate

long lost neo soul artist aaron sounds a bit identikit on this track, but it could just be the now dated early 00s sound.

anthony hamilton – icing on the cake

anthony likes to sing about food and girls who like their grub.

cameo – candy

much sampled 80s classic from codpiece and co.

city high – caramel

mellow club track from 2002.

edwin birdsong – cola bottle baby

used recently by daft punk and now resampled by kanye west for his new track ‘stronger’.

juicy – sugar free

slinky mid 80s jheri curl soul cut.

kelis – milkshake

the first and only song i ever heard about milkshake…

ll cool j – pink cookies in a plastic bag

what? pink cookies? don’t even try to decipher this one…

new edition – popcorn love

continuing where candy girl left off. so cute.

r.kelly and public announcement – honey love

overlooked single from r.kelly and PA’s debut in 1991.

shabba ranks and patra – ice cream love

remake of old reggae track. somehow shabba and ice cream seem wrong together.

sylvers – cotton candy

typically sweet 70s boy band soul.