dirty martini

old music for new people

the return of celebitchy brother January 4, 2009

green-eye

i don’t usualy get into the celeb reality shows, partly as i don’t usually know who the ‘celebs’ are. the last celeb bb scraped the barrel but ended up the most controversial yet.

i kind of hope standby contestant tony mortimer gets a go.

ben adams

was apparently in a band called A1. i don’t remember them at all. i didn’t remember the band ziggy from the last bb was supposedly in around the same time either. clearly i wasn’t paying attention.

mutya buena

not sure she needed to do this, she just needs to do more work with people like groove armada. or get all the sugababes back together as a fivesome.  it’s also a bit of a risk, can see her being at the very least on the fringes of any controversy.

terry christian

he’s 48! who knew. far less annoying than i remember on ‘the word’. not that he ever came remotely near honk voiced, self-deluded oxygen thief dani behr. her comeback has been thankfully squashed. did she forget how much everyone hates her?

coolio

is so far following samuel l jackson’s tried and tested ‘i heart the uk’ route. worst behaviour so far has been to fart in bed. is a serial reality show contestant and also has recently hosted an online cooking show, the fabulously titled ‘cookin’ with coolio’.

michelle heaton

fresh from her divorce from andy scott-lee. since the split she’s been linked to matt di angelo, ziggy lichman and liam mcgough from 2007 bb. who i’m sure aren’t rubbing their hands together at the thought of revealing all to a few quality publications whilst she’s in the house. silly girl.

latoya jackson

has released 11 albums. of which i have heard precisely none. i wonder what it was about jermaine’s experience two years ago, exactly, that made her want to participate??

ulrika jonsson

clearly there to ensure that the glamour model isn’t the biggest slapper in the house, which would have been too easy. old leather face saggy boobs wants us to believe that she’s only 41. considering she was a grown woman when i was about 5, i don’t think this is possible…call me stupid…

tina malone

aka the mouthy mum from shameless. who has allegedly undergone a bit of a makeover and wants to show it off. um…

lucy pinder

oh zzzz….another glamour model who thinks she has something to say by virtue of the fact that she’s a brunette and therfore can’t be classed as dumb. think again. oh sorry, you can’t.

tommy sheridan

is famous for campaigning against the poll tax about 20 years ago. if he plans to start a council tax revolution from behind those four walls i am so in.

verne troyer

it’s of course perfectly safe to put a midget in the bb house, what with the show’s history of caring, politically correct celebutard contestants. smh although watching him drink drive his way around the house is amusing to say the least.

 

hello kitschy July 20, 2008

a collection of tunes that are crying out for a super kitsch cartoon video.

download here

amerie – crush

possibly just meant to sound happy, not kitsch, but this remix conjures up images of bubbles, flying candy and glitter and there’s nothing amerie can do about it…

basement jaxx – romeo

you can tell the jaxx heart kitsch by their album covers, even if you haven’t heard the music. who else would put snowflake, the albino gorilla from barcelona zoo, on a cd?

bjork – big time sensuality

more quirky than kitsch, but bjork does look a bit like a japanese cartoon.

confection – i gotta thang 4u

confection are a group who make 80s jheri soul a la loose ends. i honestly didn’t realise for a long time that they weren’t authentic 80s.

daft punk – digital love

kids of the 80s went ‘aaaah…’ when they saw the video to this tune, featuring battle of the planets style anime.

deee-lite – say ahhh

unashamedly kitsch, and psychedelic at the same time.

groove armada and mutya buena – song for mutya

whoever thought they would be describing the chavtastic mutya as kitsch? not me…

keyshia cole – superstar

hate jameila. this is the only song of hers that i could remotely stand so i was happy that keyshia covered it for the us market. clearly, bitter brummie bitches don’t go down too well across the pond, either…

mariah carey – touch my body

eternally 12 apparently…mariah is the physical embodiment of kitsch and youth obsession taken too far. and no i don’t buy the nick cannon thing, that boy just looks uncomfortable to me.

model 500 – the flow

i doubt that derrick may intended to make anything that sounded remotely kitsch. but it so does…

st etienne – who do you think you are

if all of st etienne’s video has been animated kitsch, i think their music would have been more appealing. i liked it, but the oh-look-at-us-we’re indie!-and-quirky! band members ruined things somewhat.

sub sub and melanie williams – ain’t no love

the most cartoonish club classic i can remember – shouldn’t have worked but it did.