dirty martini

old music for new people

just a booty call September 20, 2008

famous one night stands:

emma bunton and justin timberlake…what is it with trouser and older women anyway?

jay-z and mya…ok, mya and most of the men active in the late 90s and early 00s r&b scene.

nicole appleton and leonardo dicaprio…in late 90s celeb fave the met bar, supposedly.

p diddy and sienna miller…these two showboat for attention like heat seeking missiles.

lindsay lohan and one of mcfly…hilarious. acted like someone who had a bad case of beer goggles at office xmas do and flatly denied it by the new year.

download a booty call

basic black – baby can we talk

bell biv devoe – i do need you

big bub – 24/7

bobby brown – lovin’ you down

gina thompson – strung out

hi-five – quality time

karyn white – one heart

kut klose – do me baby

lsg – door #1

mona lisa – crazy

tha truth – if i show you

z’looke – come on baby

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madonna should have retired in the 80s July 23, 2008

i’m updating this post as the download link expired.

i’m not even going to pretend or aspire to a real appreciation of anything that madonna did after 1989.

at the start of her career, madonna represented a backlash against society. it was punk for people who didn’t like punk music. madonna swore, acted stupid and girly, married a bad boy and wore what the hell she liked.

for me, things started to go downhill when she tried to morph into marilyn monroe for her true blue album in 1986. by the end of the decade she was making good music but the controversy she incited was planned, not accidental. the religion baiting ‘like a prayer’ was pepsi endorsed , ‘justify my love’ had a full length video by jean baptiste-mondino. there was none of the grit left of a girl who worked in dunkin’ donuts to support herself while she recorded a demo.

we loved the electric, synthesised beats, raw vocals and a unique style. we don’t need to see madonna in jean paul gaultier or d&g, anyone with money can wear those labels. messy dirty blonde hair, stretch lace, ripped tshirts and leggings – all of these were her signature style but after desperately seeking susan she seemed to distance herself from the very image that made her.

if madonna had retired almost twenty years ago in 1989, and lets face it she could afford to have done, would her legacy be greater? the erotica phase was an embarrassment, the little girls who had idolised her were rapidly growing into young adults and didn’t need to see their childhood inspiration acting like a depraved teenager. the whole kabbalah thing is a joke, and the marriage to guy ritche makes her seem more likeable, which was never the point of madonna.

the only songs i have really liked from madonna post-dick tracy have been ‘deeper and deeper’, ‘take a bow’ and ‘don’t tell me’. but i could have lived without them. and then – i contradicted myself by listing ten songs by madonna post-gambler that i don’t hate

download madonna originals here

get up

very early 80s pop, almost post-disco soul with a blondie inspired copycat rap at the end. possibly penned as an ode to her time in new york pre-fame. its a long way from this to abba-sampling on ‘hung up’. now that was something i never expected…

crimes of passion

could have fitted easily into ‘like a virgin’ but wasn’t really dancey enough for her debut i suppose. if this had been leaked in 1985 we’d have been in raptures.

don’t you know

this song, recorded in 1981 along with ‘stay’ amongst others, was eventually incorporated into the version of ‘stay’ on the ‘like a virgin’ album. i like this demo, it’s bouncier and has nice zaps and bleeps.

ain’t no big deal

recorded to be madonna’s first single, but left off the album entirely due to a dispute with ex-boyfriend stephen bray, but later rerecorded and used as a b-side.

lucky star – original 12″ mix

posted in its full glory as you can’t have too much ‘lucky star’. one of my favourites and deceptively child friendly which is probably why my parents let me buy it. i wasn’t allowed to dress like she did in the video though. 

spotlight

we didn’t hear this until the ‘you can dance’ remix album in 1987, but it was recorded for the ‘true blue’ album. of course these days it would leak along with the album. makes you wonder what else exists. back then we literally only heard what artists wanted us to.

burning up – original uk version

when i bought ‘the first album’ on cd i was confused. i thought i remembered ‘burning up’ being better, and dancier, than this. it seems in the US and rest of the world, they used a guitar driven mix that I’d never heard. on the UK tape version, we had what was apparently used on only early vinyl copies. its so much better. but the demo version, which i recently discovered, is nice and sparkly, rather than grungey, as well.

physical attraction

i love the bleepy almost aquatic sound to this track. or maybe its because i got back from swimming on the day i was bought ‘the first album’ as an early birthday present and that’s just the association i’m making…this is the full album version cos i love the spoken bit in the middle. i was too young to understand or appreciate the sentiment.

borderline – first album version

again, the version those of us in the UK will be most familiar with as it was on our version of ‘the first album’. i really love this song, more so now.

gambler – dance remix

many people seem to forget about this track as unless you were going to buy the ‘vision quest’ soundtrack, and let’s face it no one was, you could only get this on vinyl. but it’s madonna at her best, the exact reason why we loved her and parents didn’t. at the point this was released, madonna could have sneezed and gone top 10.

crazy for you – soundtrack version

the perennial end-of-the-disco favourite. this song, along with ‘into the groove’ and ‘holiday’ was in the top 10 for most of the summer in 1985 and i played them incessantly. i was in my first year at junior school and madonna was like nothing else we’d seen before. this version goes on a bit longer than the single version i had, i think that’s the only difference

into the groove – original version

it took a while for me to realise that the version on the ‘immaculate collection’ is not the original. its obviously different, and utter crap, but we weren’t so finely tuned to recognise remixes back then. anyway, once i realised, i got rid, and replaced it with this far superior original. shep pettibone should be ashamed of himself.

dress you up – formal mix

this is a very 80s 12″ – ie. a bit longer, some extra beats, a few sound effects. its appeal has been tarnished somewhat by featuring in a gap ad but don’t let that put you off.

angel – 12″ mix

another very 80s 12″, but this one provides some much needed oomph, much as i loved the original.

 

ten post-gambler madonna songs i don’t hate April 20, 2008

ok – about six months ago i wrote a post saying that madonna should have retired in the 80s, before the true blue phase, leaving our memories intact.

now, witnessing the desperation of hard candy, i can concede that she was at least still relevant until about 2002. i just hate the ‘producer of the moment’, ‘collaboration of the moment’ and ‘fad of the moment’ bandwagon-jumping – william orbit, justin, mylo, ali g…

she is one of few artists to make it to their second greatest hits album. i’ll laugh if there’s a third…

so. my original post dealt with everything up to gambler. whilst i preferred the ragdoll who stuck two fingers up to the world, i did love her late 80s songs at the time, and even a few past then.

download here

white heat

in the summer of 1986, the arrival of true blue did give madonna fans something new to make up dances to. just hearing the intro to this song transports me back to my old bedroom, with the sun streaming in.

la isla bonita

mainstay of junior school assemblies and talent shows the country wide, if you didn’t love this, and dirty dancing, in 1987, you weren’t a real girl. how annoying were all those people who insisted the title was ‘last night i dreamt of san pedro’ because they didn’t know how to pronounce ‘isla’…joey!

causing a commotion

i remember the cartoon video for this being very cute. madonna’s acting in the film was of course, atrocious, and she had the most annoying squeaky voice. i liked the cougar better.

express yourself

you can’t argue with the sentiment here and it’s probably one of her best songs. lots of remixes…i remember a housey version from top of the pops that i haven’t heard since.

til death do us part

written about her marriage to sean penn, i found it interesting at the time but didn’t understand it. now it makes me cry. she always says sean was the one…

like a prayer

this is the original version, not the horrible immaculate collection butchering. that entire album was a disgrace. if madonna ever actually needed the cash, she could just release a proper greatest hits with all the original unmixed 80s songs.

cherish

well i did love this song at the time, as did everyone else. it was just so happy. not liking ‘cherish’ would be like not liking kittens.

deeper and deeper

ok, i proper loved this one. but madonna should never get more housey than this, and vogue. madonna, for me, inhabits a time before house music.

take a bow

her only decent ballad other than crazy for you. this was from the ‘secrets’ phase, post-erotica. although she didn’t really hit rock-bottom until about 1996 and that junior vasquez track – ‘if madonna calls, i’m not home…’. still, where’s junior?

don’t tell me

the one and only 00s madonna song i like. music, hung up…just nothing to me. way too obvious. this isn’t amazing, it just kind of works.

 

saucer of milk? April 5, 2008

you know how your parents used to say people who were nasty to were just jealous? turns out most of the time they were right.

female celebs are always under pressure to comment on their counterparts, and the latest under attack is leona lewis. well she’s talented, pretty, unassuming, has simon cowell on her side…and is from a reality show. which is so much worse than being from a stage school, apparently.

download here

beyonce – back up

where do we start? letoya, latavia, farrah, michelle, keke wyatt and blu cantrell might all have something to say about this diva’s behaviour. although letoya probably owes her second album to those who wanted to see the queen bee’s feathers ruffled at her former rival’s success. if you’ve seen that clip from trevor nelson’s mtv show ‘the lick’ just after farrah and michelle joined, you know jay-z better watch his humps if those wedding rumours are true.

britney spears – gimme more

it’s britney, bitch. actually she’s a remarkably clever (bear with me) bitch. her girlish war of words with rival christina aguilera, fuelled by a mutual desire for then-curly disaster justin, left christina with egg on her face and branded a boyfriend-baiting bitch. despite having a technically better voice, people seem to prefer a drugged up, fat, scruffy, medicore brit than the desperately showboating and cleaned up ms aguilera. gutted, much?

christina aguilera – hurt

she had the better voice but britney got there first, in more ways than one. in fact, slaguilera is more likely to have criticism directed at her than give it out, and has become the poster girl for oversinging precious r&b wannabes the world over. much as i love r&b myself, kelly osbourne had it spot on. i can just about stand this song as it’s so heavily remixed by the snowflakerz.

jamelia – b.i.t.c.h

you could assume that jamelia recorded this with a sense of humour, in response to fabricated media stories of her various lashings of any female celebrity better looking or more talented than herself. however, since the release of parent album ‘thank you’, her desperate needling has gone into overdrive…and i’m not blaming her PR anymore. they probably quit by now.

jennifer lopez – ain’t it funny

famously branded madonna a useless singer and actor and claimed gwyneth paltrow only found fame after brad pitt. was snubbed by the macriobiotic twosome at what was probably a really unappetising dinner party. um, didn’t she kind of have a point? on that note, gwyneth was always way too minging for brad and should have known better. jen took their snub and raised them an almost-marriage to one of their exes, ben affleck. fun – loving your style, jen.

leona lewis – the best you never had

has so far maintained her dignity, only venturing that jamelia is ‘insecure’ and made a slight dig at whitney and mariah’s continued wearing of fur. she clearly has mariah rattled, who seems eager to communicate that no one in america is talking about leona. except, she’s number one and everyone is? well, mariah does also believe that she’s 12 years old so…whatever…it’s 1982 and everything’s lovely.

lily allen – smile

gently baits her chat show guests in her smug, cockney-with-more-cash-than-you manner, when not singing about her chav boyfriends. baited other serial slagger cheryl cole on the use of autotune in girls aloud. like, no shit, lily, we didn’t see popstars the rivals. and your singing voice lily, really could do with it as well?

mariah carey – heartbreaker

ironically depicted herself as two sides of a catfight in the video for this track after a war of words with both whitney and madonna. claimed not to have ‘taken any notice of anything madonna did since the early 80s, when she was popular’. well i have my thoughts on the exact time and place madonna should have taken a bow, but come on, you can’t ignore the leotard loving granny.

miss jones – don’t front

this lady (and i do use the term loosely) has pissed off *deep breath* beyonce, her scary looking mama, christina milian, danity kane, p diddy, monica, wendy williams (!)…asian people everywhere, victims of the tsunami…

whitney houston – my name is not susan

used to elegantly sidestep any opportunities to bitch about her contemporaries but, hasn’t been interviewed much post-drugs. i’d like to hear what velour tracksuited ‘hell to the naw’ whitney could unleash on the young generation.

 

sex and the city: girls on film March 8, 2008

satc.jpg

just over 3 months. ok…well i’ve been so busy at work that this is my first post in three weeks so maybe three months will also fly?

i’m going to summarise all the rumours concerning what actually happens in the movie.

  • big – real name john james preston, apparently – leaves carrie at the altar
  • steve cheats on miranda
  • charlotte and harry have their own baby
  • samantha gets itchy feet
  • samantha and smith are now living in LA
  • big dies

no sign of aidan, berger or the russian. but, don’t steve and aidan still co-own that bar? it wouldn’t be insane if he turned up again. maybe jennifer hudson, as carrie’s assistant louise, plays a bigger part than we think?

download here

702 – where my girls at

aaliyah – ladies in the house

cool notes – girls night out

destiny’s child – girl

destiny’s child – hey ladies

j holiday – new york girl

jade – out with the girls

justin timberlake – sexy ladies

klymaxx – meeting in the ladies room

moments and whatnauts – girls

switch – calling all girls

willie walker jr – watching the ladies

 

the britszzzzzz….. February 21, 2008

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 so, despite some precarious moments thanks to the autocue dodging osborne family, last night’s brit awards went off without any major hitches. everyone in attendance was absolutely ratted but it was just as well as it provided mild entertainment against the musical banality.

the highlight was probably kanye west getting cut off again but the full clip will probably soon surface on youtube so we won’t miss out on the latest instalment of kanye’s soapbox.

is anyone really surprised we have an alcohol crisis in this country? i wasn’t averse to a malibu at the age 14 myself but its just everywhere now. we didn’t see pissed people on tv unless oliver reed was on.

fab macca thumbs aloft made an excruciatingly well timed appearance to receive an achievement award that, oh yes, the spice girls nabbed about ten years ago. then he sang some beatles tracks to remind us that he’s entitled to keep his cash. i was really late for work on the day of the gmtv heather mills interview…

but who did you really want to win? has allowing ‘urban’ nominations in the standard categories made much of a difference if nauseatingly quirky indie bands win everything anyway? hardly representative of britain’s current musical taste across all classes is it? students and estate agents, maybe.

anyway, these are my brit awards. stuff the arctic monkeys and their sub-liam gallagher, sub-brandon block, sub-jarvis cocker act right up….

british male solo artist
actual winner: james morrison
my winner: lemar

british female solo artist
actual winner: amy winehouse
my winner: yeah I’ll go with that

british album
actual winner: arctic monkeys – some shit indie music
my winner: probably amy again

british group
actual winners: arctic monkeys
my winners: sugababes

british breakthrough act
actual winners: the fratellis
my winner: leona lewis

international breakthrough act
actual winner: orson
my winner:  van hunt

british live act
actual winners: muse
my winner: beverley knight

british single
actual winner: take that – patience
my winner: leona should have got this, surely

international male solo artist
actual winner: justin timberlake
my winner: not disagreeing with that

international female solo artist
actual winner: nelly furtado
my winner: it’s been rihanna’s year

international group
actual winners: the killers
my winner: i don’t know…2007 wasn’t been a great year for groups

international album
actual winners: the killers – sam’s town
my winner: ryan leslie – used to be

outstanding contribution to music: prince

 

i’m not planning on going solo… February 11, 2008

lionelrichtea.jpg

liar!

in every successful group there is a beyonce. either the best vocalist or the best manipulator, or daddy’s little girl. but divas in training beware: for every beyonce, there is a nicole scherzinger.

download here

beyonce – suga mama

it’s a good job bee actually did have talent cos daddy would have pushed her to the front no matter what. its funny but i actually prefer her voice in the early dc days, and i definitely prefer dc4 harmonies.

bobby brown – i really love you girl

not so much a solo choice rather than being kicked out of new edition. still, he was so young it was a bit like when i was kicked out of the brownies, albeit on a, cough, more global scale. so what? except i was shown the red card for locking brown owl in a cupboard, not boozing and having an illegitimate child…

coko – sunshine

well, who can blame coko if the rumours of swv’s financial ruin were true. it’s a shame it didn’t work out…i think the swv harmonies played a bigger role than she thought.

diana ross – upside down

the original diva, hence ‘diana ross and the supremes’. funny how the weakest singer in a group can overcome that obstacle, to become the biggest star. all it took was a large amount of deluded self-belief and some willing lackeys.

george michael – too funky

the least likely to be accused of letting his ego push aside more talented group members – it was an accepted fact that andrew ridgeley did little more than shake a tambourine and look cute in hawaiian gear.

justin timberlake – last night

anyone who says they saw the star potential of curly headed justin in his n*sync days has selective memory. i was surprised such an ugly group got a deal and didn’t think any had longevity. imagine explaining britney’s dazzling influence to an alien in 2008 – ‘…and britney was this clean cut, wholesome, family loving christian whose star power catapulted him to solo fame…’

lionel richie – serves you right

love lionel richtea. i might have to do a whole post on him just so i can put up that picture. oh screw it, if anyone is wondering why at the top of this post there is a picture of lionel richie with a biscuit (cookie) in place of his ‘fro…this is why.

morris day – love addition

morris day really wanted to be prince. he did ok. he never really left the time.

raphael saadiq – get involved

the transition from tony toni tone was fairly seamless – i’m not always 100% which tracks belong to who. same sound, same voice…could have just kept the other on the payroll? that’s rarely the point though is it…

ray parker jr – a woman needs love

ray already had a touch of the dianas, changing the name of his group, already ‘raydio’, to ‘ray parker jr and raydio’. so no one should have been surprised when he became a fully fledged solo artist. i hope there was someone else called ray left in that group he named after himself…

t-boz – touch myself

tlc’s was a well documented financial struggle, which allegedly saw laface CEO pebbles tie the girls into a fruitless contract. t-boz seized an opportunity to capitalise on crazysexycool but the point was, none of tlc were vocally outstanding, but together they provided contrast – the gravelly voiced t-boz, angelic chilli and cute rapper left eye. individually…nothing special.

terry ellis – what did i do to you

if you blinked in 1995, you could have missed this solo foray from ms ellis. en vogue were back together faster than roadrunner once it became clear that their group appeal far ouweighed their solo potential. they attempted to drop troublemaker dawn robinson over the years, with varying degrees of success.