dirty martini

old music for new people

britain’s got talent April 19, 2008

there is more to the uk than leona, joss and amy.

i’m not getting into estelle’s rant about whether white girls can claim soul. i’ve barley heard adele or duffy but from the snippets i haven’t managed to avoid, i would think we’re in danger of confusing soul, which they may well have a claim on, with r&b, which is the category estelle et al would fall into.

but her point about the under-represented existing soul/r&b artists in the uk is true. some – beverley knight, jamelia – are often persuaded to stray into pop territory to raise their profile. i would say there’s a huge talent chasm between those two however. somehow i don’t think anyone will be talking about jamelia in a few years, no matter who she’s slating. bitter 30 something brummie with cheating footballer husband – now that will not be a good look.

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corinne bailey rae – young and foolish

craig david and kano – this is the girl

estelle – 1980

keisha white – out of my hands

lemar – someone should tell you

lisa maffia – bad girl

nate james – universal

taio cruz – backseat love

terri walker – flirtin’

winta gordon – surveillance

 

only when i laugh January 13, 2008

 nice orange leather catsuit.

every once in a while, a song comes along that actually injects some humour into the lyrics. its the artist’s stand up moment. it’s not that hard…why doesn’t it happen more often?

top five stand up:

  • eddie murphy and the ice cream you can’t afford
  • peter kay and the walking onto the dancefloor dance. and the ‘fine rain that soaks you right through’
  • al murray ‘was never confused’
  • chris rock and er, men who want credit for taking care of their kids…and not being in prison
  • ricky gervais when he isn’t being smug

an honorable mention* must go to lisa moorish. yes, lisa moorish, primrose hill bike, had a career in the 90s and had one vaguely amusing hit ‘mr friday night’, which poked fun at the white shirt brigade. apparently the sales of three cd singles is enough to finance a house in primrose hill and ensure you never have to work again. oh no wait, she actually made sure she got pregnant by someone with a bit of cash – liam gallagher – so she could keep up with kate moss. and fellow oxygen thieves meg and sadie.

*not so much of an honourable mention

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alexander o’neal – fake

even in the late 80s, weaves, fake nails and coloured contacts were in abundance. alex calls them out. cos…yeah, i bet he really goes for the au naturel look….not!

amy winehouse – addicted

starting to lose her spot as the most fucked up celeb on the planet thanks to britney’s latest antics. how long can it be before her PR steals her shoes, pours a bottle of gin down her throat and chucks her out of a cab in the middle of camden again?

cypress hill – insane in the brain

let’s face it they even sound funny. i once knew someone who could do a great b-real impression if you gave him a wig and a baseball cap.

jay-z – 30 something

jay lays it down for all his fellow 30 somethings who know better than these young whippersnappers…um….wait a minute, isn’t jay pushing 40? didn’t he need to make this track, like, ten years ago?

jean grae – how to break up with your girl

jean ingratiates herself with females everywhere by reminding our men how crap our behaviour is. don’t you just know jean is one of those annoying tomboyish women who hate every girl their male friends come into contact with?

john legend – used to love you

well, i think john’s sales have probably edged his finances closer to jay and puffy’s now, so what a difference four years make…i’m pretty sure whitney and bobby were broke aready by 2004 so i’m not sure where that idea came from.

kanye west and jamie foxx – gold digger

now a staple of chicago rock cafes up and down the uk. danced to by women who can’t really pull off the whole gold digger thing anyway…

positive k –  i got a man

box favourite from 1993. the girl who participates in the call and response has a really annoying voice. surely they could have got someone better? or maybe that was the point.

skeelo –  i wish

skee-lo was vertically challenged. and like all shortarse men he wanted to emphasise this with a tall girlfriend. what is that all about? at least carlton banks knew his place.

slick rick – mona lisa

like b-real, slick rick sounds funny even before you hear the lyrics.

streets – don’t mug yourself

tower block humour. ‘mugging yourself off’ has become a national pastime and helped to propel essex boy brian belo to bb8 victory.

tony toni tone – my exgirlfriend

supposed to be about an ex who turns out to be a hooker. but the first time i heard: ‘my exgirlfriend is a hoooooooooo…’ i laughed out loud, and still do.

 

i’m a 90s girl December 19, 2007

lollipop1.jpg

 not every girl needed the security of a band in the 90s. these are some brave souls who stepped out on their own talent.

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chantay savage – betcha’ll never find

best known for her 1996 remake of gloria gaynor’s ‘i will survive’, but she actually released her debut album, including this uptempo track, three years earlier. was said to be recording a new album in 2005, but no sign yet.

diane marsh – private party

well connected uk singer if you believe her myspace. no idea how old she is now but she had a great voice and should make a comeback with a network like that…phew!

elisha la verne – i may be single

elisha did well in japan, mysteriously. well you know what i mean…i know they go for the whole blonde thing but when certain artists blow up over there and leave their home country cold i always think its odd. is it just good PR? content? style?

gina thompson – the things you do

bad boy affiliate whose debut single provided a platform for soon-to-be superstar missy elliott, but failed to ignite her own career.

jamecia – keep it real

mystery artist from 1995.

laurnea – infatuation

still doing it. this is from her first album in 1997, which she worked on with joss stone’s alleged sugar daddy, raphael saadiq. i’m still not sure i believe that rumour…

maxeen – searching

annoyingly, maxeen is now the name of some dreary post-indie, post-punk, post-quality, post-anything-remotely-interesting band.  which makes it difficult to google the original.

mona lisa – just wanna please you

mona had a successful album at the age of 16 and is back with new material, most of which sounds pretty good, at the ripe old age of 27.

monifah – i miss you

lauded as the vocalist to beat all other 90s r&b vocalists at the time she minorly blew up after contributing this song to the new york undercover soundtrack. managed to put out three albums.

taral hicks – distant lover

minorly successful with her one and only album, she is now part of the soul kittens cabaret along with nicci gilbert of brownstone, monifah and several other people i haven’t heard of.

yvette michele – i’m not feeling you

yvette sang the hook on ‘loud hangover’ and a potential star was born. liked to sing about how crazy she was about DJs, a common 90s affliction.

zakiya – love like mine

her second album was shelved and she seemingly gave up on her career…shame as this track was bouncy in a groove theory ‘tell me’ kind of way. never a bad thing.