dirty martini

old music for new people

le freak c’est chic October 22, 2007

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freaks were once something odd or unusual, like someone with six toes on one foot.

in time honoured ‘bad meaning good’ tradition, a freak has subverted its unpolitically correct beginnings to describe someone totally up for it. so, a slapper in other words.

that’s progress, then.

download here

aaron hall – get a little freaky

all of new jack bad boy aaron’s output had something a bit seedy about it.

bar-kays – freaky behaviour

controversy-era prince-lite. so if the man himself can’t satisfy you with his vast back catalogue, look no further. 

doug e.fresh – freaks

its a long way from ‘the show’ to this, and i can barely hear doug in here, but…whatever. 

egyptian lover – freakaholic

god i love this. i wish i hadn’t discovered it 20 years too late.

jodeci – freak’n’you

as if the original wasn’t filthy enough, this is the ginuwine blended bootleg.  jodeci really don’t need any help in the sleaze department.

leon haywood – freaky

soul creeper from 80s soul boy leon.

o’bryan – i’m freaky

more prince-lite, well he was the first to make freaks socially acceptable. 

r.kelly – freak dat body

clearly all of r.pissy’s songs are about freaks in one form or another. this was the b side to the much tamer ‘she’s got that vibe’.

rick james – superfreak

ok so you’ll never hear this without thinking of mc hammer, but its still quality. 

royalle delite – i’ll be a freak for you

what happened to this group? if anyone out there knows, drop me a line. i wish i could find more from them.

sexual harrassment – i need a freak

minimal funk a la vanity 6, but male. love it. 

sweet stuff – freaky

clearly the origins of freaks in soul go way back to the late 60s. bet this wouldn’t have got played on totp.

 

meeting in the ladies room September 16, 2007

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surely the best part of most nights out is getting ready. as soon as you start drinking it all goes downhill, and once you’re in a sweaty club its all over. but the damage can be limited with the following:

  • waterproof mascara
  • hairspray on slippery soles to stop bambi-style entrances
  • proper underwear for graceful cab exits
  • copious amounts of lee stafford dehumidifier spray on straight hair before you go out
  • mark hill anti frizz serum
  • tesco makeup powder foundation – matt without being cakey
  • cotton buds to get the blobs of eyeliner out of the inner corners
  • nars orgasm / laguna – yes its £££ but it will last forever
  • clinique touch tint eye mousse – does not budge
  • marc jacobs splashes unless you want to asphyxiate everyone  i love rain, orange, amber and cucumber
  • wear your shoes with thick socks for an hour before you go out – trust me on this one!
  • liz earle skin tonic
  • fresh breath drops

you’re going to need to share or take a very large handbag…

download here

amy winehouse – fuck me pumps

that’s right, amy wants us to believe that she is sometimes coherent enough to make conscious fashion choices. she has, however, been spotted in camden without any footwear whatsoever. surely one of the worst places in the world to do that in…

beyonce – freakum dress

oh so that’s how she hooked er, super rich and fugly joe camel. i’m guessing she doesn’t really wear house of dereon – how ghetto is that name? it looks like the stuff you get in fenwick in brent cross… no i actually like jayonce. it would be really boring if she was with someone like usher.

india arie – i am not my hair

india may not be her hair but i bet it pisses her off when she gets caught in the rain. or in humidity. or too near central heating. god hair is a pain in the arse. but if it looks crap, you feel crap – fact.

jade – out with the girls

much as i like this track, it would be far more authentic if the girls sounded as if they had polished off a bottle or three of cherry lambrini in the cab.

jay-z – change clothes

proof that money can buy style, jay-z tries to get in on the act. i thought all most men did was shit, shower and shave?

klymaxx – meeting in the ladies room

a very 80s restroom hookup – i can just see the plastic earrings, smell the exclamation and picture the rimmel lipgloss.

lamont dozier – take off your makeup

a midtempo disco soul cut from a man better known as part of songwriting and producing trio holland-dozier-holland, who worked with most of the motown stable.

lil mama – lip gloss

has far too much makeup for someone her age. at that age i wore the same makeup to college, nights out, weekends, family gatherings, shopping….

missy elliott – let me fix my weave

what is the big deal with weaves anyway? it seems to be the ultimate insult to point out that someone has a weave. so what? most people have fake something these days.

patra and aaron hall – scent of attraction

i’m being won over by lighter scents these days. if other girls can identify you a mile off, that can’t be right…marc jacobs and gucci are getting it right. sjp’s covet isn’t bad either. if this track was a perfume though, it would probably be obsession by calvin klein.

sister sledge – il macquillage lady

makeup has come a long way since the 70s. even in the early 90s we were subjected to pink rimmel foundation, too much shimmer and way too much pearl. eyeshadow was brown or ivory. thank god for sephora, which they have now closed in the uk. thanks a lot!

vanity 6 – makeup

well, of course they did a song about makeup, prince wore a ton of the stuff. all of their songs were cute and this is no exception.

 

90s r&b soundtrack gems August 14, 2007

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 r&b soundtracks rarely carry the big hits of larger budget films – for a while now they’ve bought up extra material from established artists’ album sessions or provided a valuable way in for newcomers.

there seems to have been a shift in the way that soundtracks are purchased. back in the 70s and 80s we bought them after seeing a film to recapture the moment – grease and dirty dancing spring immediately to mind – but now we often buy them before or even with no intention of seeing the movie. i probably own at least five soundtracks to films i’ve never seen.

so here are some extras from 90s artists that all too often get lost.

90s soundtrack bonus cutsdownload here

sunset park – aaliyah – are you ready – 1996

despite being released the same year as her timbaland-produced groundbreaking sophomore album, this gently bumping effort was clearly an offcut form her earlier debut.

money talks – swv – tell me how you want it – 1997

swv were soundtrack veterans by this point, having already contributed similarly slinky slow jams to waiting to exhale (all night long) and hav plenty (where you are).

murder was the case – jodeci – come up to my room – 1995

i actually prefer jodeci’s mid-fast tempo tracks more than their sometimes overblown ballads, and wish they’d made more deeply sexy joints like this one…

dangerous minds – aaron hall – curiosity – 1995

being part of the same set as the huge ‘gangsta’s paradise’ was either a blessing (sales) or a curse (overshadowed).

soul food – tenderoni – baby i – 1997

one hit wonders tenderoni con ributed this much-loved track to one of the decade’s biggest soundtracks. should have been a launchpad to bigger and better things.

the best man – allure – when the shades go down – 1998

hard to believe this was an offcut from their debut as its probably stronger than 90% of the tracks on there…

high school high – faith evans – i just can’t – 1996

reminds me of the summer when r&b went global, and tupac was killed…

hav plenty – jon b and coko – keep it real – 1998

got a lot of airplay at the time, i loved this and splashed out £££ on the import.

the nutty professor – monica – ain’t nobody – 1996

one of monica’s better offerings after her strong debut, featuring treach of naughty by nature.

waiting to exhale – tlc – this is how it works – 1995

a new tlc track was a rarity and after crazysexycool, much in demand.