dirty martini

old music for new people

90s girls: the remixes December 24, 2008

 

suddenly the 90s seem like a long time ago. one more year left of the 00s, how did that happen?

i remember when these girls were ruling the clubs despite not being out of high school. aaliyah would have been the first to celebrate her 30th birthday next month.

download aaliyah remixes

back and forth – uk flavour remix

age ain’t nothin’ but a number – linslee remix with cash rex

if your girl only knew – timbaland remix with missy elliott

hot like fire – timbaland remix with missy elliott

download brandy remixes

i wanna be down – carson ca remix

baby – allstar party mix

best friend – character r&b remix with channel live

top of the world – boogiesoul remix

download monica remixes

don’t take it personal – street tracks remix

like this and like that – k.o remix with c-knowledge

before you walk out my life – pete rock remix

why i love you so much – soulpower remix

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teenage love affair July 10, 2008

before t’internet, there were magazines. ok there still are magazines but i now buy two per month – heat and glamour – whereas back in the day i used to get about ten.

just seventeen was good for horoscopes and those little free books that taught you to be a total stalker, in a completely non-harmless way of course…’close your eyes and think of a question. stick a pencil down anywhere on the page. find the symbol you land on and the answer will be revealed….’he thinks you’re too good for him’. well, durrrr.

more! was of interest primarily for the problem pages, which went slightly beyond that of the other titles. there was no ‘shoud i kiss him or not?’ boys at school would pore over these pages in great detail, before checking position of the fortnight. ‘oh yeah…done that already.’ ‘who with?’ ‘you don’t know her…i met her on holiday…’

mizz dealt in hardcore compatibility charts. so if you were an aries and you liked a pisces you were basically screwed. question: did anyone actually look a compatibility chart, see that their intended target was suitable and then march up to them at school the next day? no. it made no difference except if he turned you down…’we weren’t compatible anyway, he’s a fucking leo, i can’t be doing with it…’

minx ruled. it dared to take the piss out of gormless celebs like ‘louise out of eternal’ and the spice girls, much to the anger of their PRs, as I remember. i have no idea why it disappeared so suddenly, everyone i knew loved it.

download here

alicia keys – teenage love affair

amazulu – too good to be forgotten

aaliyah – age ain’t nothin’ but a number

beyonce – my first time

chairmen of the board – since there were pigtails

cool notes – you’re never too young

erykah badu – back in the day

hot chocolate – it started with a kiss

ryan leslie – used to be

shanice – i love your smile

sister sledge – frankie

slick rick – teenage love

 

hell is…other people June 16, 2008

well, we’re over a week and one eviction into the latest series.

alex

well, we know which box to put her in don’t we? i don’t even know if she’s trying to be charley or is just a rude bitch. not sure what would be worse.

dale

hmm. he reminds me of the actor in 27 dresses a bit. not sure about him yet. the whole having a crush on someone already thing is a bit desperate. it didn’t work for saskia and maxwell and it won’t work this time.

darnell

i have a feeling darnell is going to be good value, and possibly one of the only housemates brave enough to take on alex.

dennis

bitchy little pinenut akin to sex and the city’s anthony. but nowhere near as redeemable.

jennifer

single mum who supposedly looks like cheryl cole but in all truth, looks more like alanis morissette. there’s a VAST difference.

kathreya

human pokemon and obvious fodder for jlc and alan carr. haven’t heard her talk about anything other than cookies so far.

lisa

is clearly going to have some kind of epiphany relating to her relationship. seems fairly calm but could just be in blind panic from the realisation that her boyfriend is a twat.

luke

his longevity could hinge on how well he copes with pissed up housemates while rolling on in his wagon. hissy fits could ensue.

‘mario’

twat. thinks he looks italian so changes his name from shaun to mario. wtf? this man is every bouncer you have ever hated, every dickhead who has pinched your arse in a crowded bar. torture him or get him out.

mikey

seems very sweet but is being patronised to hell and back by mario and lisa. he’s blind not stupid you fu%!ers.

mohamed

has the potential to be a good housemate if he doesn’t end up winding up the others up by nicking all the food. another one who might stand up to alex.

rachel

former child actress. has five cats so i want to like her. her and jennifer kind of look the same so i don’t see both lasting.

rebecca

same as laura form last year. but not welsh. she’ll be out soon bar an act of immense generosity so don’t pay too much attention to her.

rex

has that max from eastender thing going on. gingers are doing it for themselves this year.

stephanie

thick as, and the least compelling interviewee ever, but i would have preferred to see one of the others go as she had the potential to cause trouble and was allergic to mario.

sylvia

will disassociate herself from alex at the scene of the first big fight. in fact, is there anywhere that will take a bet on that?

download here

aaliyah – don’t know what to tell you

alexander o’neal – fake

colonel abrams – trapped

kelis – game show/about to hate me

living in a box – living in a box

mariah carey – prisoner

marvin gaye – it’s a desperate situation

o’jays – 992 arguments

prince – let’s pretend we’re married

the roots – lazy afternoon

vybe – i can’t fight anymore

 

when life imitates art May 11, 2008

this mariah and nick cannon thing…has to be fake surely. i know she’s madder than a bag of ferrets, but shotgun wedding to serial dater and no pre-nup? come ON…

download here

aaliyah and r.kelly – the thing i like

very seedy – aaliyah signed with r.kelly’s label at 13…and two years later they allegedly married when she was 15 although the certificate said she was 18. maybe she was? of all the discussions i’ve seen on this topic this hasn’t been raised a possibility. aaliyah went on to date damon dash. and r.kelly? not going there.

ashanti and nelly – switch

not sure if these two are still together or not – in any case both are releasing albums shortly so you can bet that they’ll let us know one way or another, depending on how their publicists decide to play it.

beyonce and jay-z – upgrade you

i want to like jayonce, but they have really dull friends like ‘new bono’ chris martin and gwyneth paltrow. on the upside, their inevitably impending offspring will have fabulously ghetto names, probably chosen by worlds’ scariest mama tina knowles. bet she’s scouring those 80s music lists for a faux francais babyname that jheri soul’s finest would be proud of.

bobby brown and whitney houston – something in common

oh how we loved bobby and whitney – 80s badboy teen falls for older woman and mends his ways. for about five years, then he has an early midlife crisis and it all goes badly wrong. now whitney is trying to replicate the good old days with an even younger model and bobby is trying to get it on with anyone who’ll have him.

brandy and boyz ii men – brokenhearted

think those child protection laws must’ve been a bit slack in the early 90s. like aaliyah, brandy fell prey to an older counterpart but *sigh of relief* it was sensible old wanya of non-threatening boyz ii men, and he apparently waited until she was 16…

common and erykah badu – the light

after splitting with andre 3000 of outkast, crazy bag lady erykah (i do mean that in a nice way) hooked up with smiley rapper common. this woman outcrazied two rappers. do not mess.

jennifer lopez and p diddy – feelin’s so good

i did like j lo and puffy. it was a shame about that inconvenient little shooting incident which scared her off. they were fabulously trashy and didn’t care. she also was channelling the best outfits of her life when they were together. i still want that green tropical versace number…

kelis and nas – popular thug

seemingly solid couple and i’m kind of impressed with nas that he chose kelis, who clearly is not your run of the mill model-video actress-clinique salesgirl by day type, which he no doubt had his pick of.

mary j blige and kci hailey – i don’t want to do anything

a bad move for mary, and i would say that jodeci were more than a little tarnished by the revelations concerning the destructive nature of her relationship with kci, which she was dealing with for years before she met kendu. karma’s a bitch – have you seen the state of jodeci lately?

notorious big and faith evans – one more chance

not the likeliest of lotharios but biggie managed to charm quite a few women in his 23 years…faith and lil kim faced off quite publicly about him for a while and let’s face it, must have felt a bit ridiculous fighting over someone so er, non-standard.

prince and vanity – if a girl answers

prince and vanity lead denise matthews had a short lived relationship, once they split, denise aka vanity, hightailed it and was replaced by patricia kotero in a new group, appollonia. *crickets* yes of course he did, why do you think she got the job? vanity went on to date slighty taller men – adam ant and billy idol.

rihanna and chris brown – umbrella

so, blabbermouth jordin sparks lifted the lid on the relationship and now they’ve been ‘spotted’, unwittingly, in kfc…oh god…i mean they’re both like, 12 years old, why do i know this?  chris has only just started to form vowels properly.

 

everybody loves leona April 11, 2008

so leona has cracked the US, big time. i’m pleased for her and now I see why her album contains so many ballads. their cheese radar is lower than that of the endlessly critical brits, perhaps…and some people find ballads cheesy. leona does them well though.

so whilst ‘spirit’ is good quality, there’ll be plenty of time for a mature sound later on. now that she’s cemented her popularity for the foreseeable future, she really needs to nail the pop/r&b crossover next time. anyway, since leona’s second album must be a sure thing by now I was wondering how it’ll turn out. so, these are the types of songs that I’d like to hear from her.

download here

aaliyah – hot like fire

leona has the right tone to her voice to copy aaliyah’s style but has much more range, so it would be interesting…

adriana evans – looking for your love

this type of sweet, live instrumental track would be a good personality fit for leona, who appears to have won over the US and UK public with her sweet, down to earth manner. i’m not with those who translate this into a lack of personality – if she was delivering witty asides to camera, that would be fake.

amerie – crush

this would have been a cute track for leona. for whatever reason amerie continue to flop, maybe leona could take this off her hands…

brownstone – if you love me

no point having that vocal capability if you’re not going to show it off?

juicy – sugar free

in fact she did record an updated version of this called ‘suga sweet’ pre-x factor, and it’s not bad. midtempo 80s soul would be a nice contrast with her voice.

mariah carey – we belong together

in a way, ‘better in time’ is her ‘we belong together’. but another one won’t hurt. maybe she should keep it back for her third album.

prince – if i was your girlfriend

some princespiration won’t go amiss…why not, everyone else is doing it. if leona’s going to shake off her good girl image, she should go classic, not sleaze.

keisha white – open like so

leona will need to do sass at some point. not in a trashy beyonce style, or man-bashing late 90s jittery r&b, but something a bit more direct. like this.

kelly rowland – can’t nobody

i see this as the type of club track leona might do – not too aggressive or desperately current, just something that works.

alexander o’neal and cherrelle – never knew love like this

leona and lemar. please.

shola ama – you’re the one i love

this was the song that i remember shola for the most, not sure if it was her biggest hit but it was the perfect balance between pop and r&b. but in the 90s, for a uk artist, this was about as r&b as it got.

swv – weak

if leona sticks with some ballads, I would love to see her tackle some 90s style slow jams.

 

sex and the city: girls on film March 8, 2008

satc.jpg

just over 3 months. ok…well i’ve been so busy at work that this is my first post in three weeks so maybe three months will also fly?

i’m going to summarise all the rumours concerning what actually happens in the movie.

  • big – real name john james preston, apparently – leaves carrie at the altar
  • steve cheats on miranda
  • charlotte and harry have their own baby
  • samantha gets itchy feet
  • samantha and smith are now living in LA
  • big dies

no sign of aidan, berger or the russian. but, don’t steve and aidan still co-own that bar? it wouldn’t be insane if he turned up again. maybe jennifer hudson, as carrie’s assistant louise, plays a bigger part than we think?

download here

702 – where my girls at

aaliyah – ladies in the house

cool notes – girls night out

destiny’s child – girl

destiny’s child – hey ladies

j holiday – new york girl

jade – out with the girls

justin timberlake – sexy ladies

klymaxx – meeting in the ladies room

moments and whatnauts – girls

switch – calling all girls

willie walker jr – watching the ladies

 

cool britannia January 5, 2008

star-ice.jpg

watching ruby turner on jools holland the other day was further proof of the abundance of underappreciated talent we have in the uk.

this is a selection of new and old uk talent, worth investigating.

download here 

terri walker -flirtin’

sadly, terri will at best be underrated in the beverly knight tradition for the rest of her career. her three albums are ten times better than anything mya has ever put out…

soul ii soul – love enuff

new age funksters who retained their peace and love vibe well into the mid 90s when everyone else had given up.

loose ends – choose me

those that know revere loose ends as the 80s soul band to end them all.

five star – rsvp

family group who turned out to have more in common with jacksons than we thought possible – a veritable mountain of plastic surgery. this song is from their first album, when they had their own noses and steadman didn’t look like a circus freak.

light of the world – no1 girl

named themselves after a kool and the gang album, and had several hits. after splitting in 1981 some members went on to form beggar&co, who also had some success.

heatwave – super soul sister

ok only the keyboardist was british, the band was in fact, international. heatwave were responsible for standard ‘always and forever’ and countless 70s funk gems.

cool notes – i forgot

originally part of the young south london lovers’ rock scene, then a jheri soul success, by uk standards, with several top ten hit.

central line – you’ve said enough

another success, and singer camelle hinds is still active.

leona lewis – suga sweet

a pre-fame remake of juicy’s 1985 jheri soul hit ‘ sugar free’. some more midtempos like this would have sat well on ‘spirit’…i hope she gets back to this style for her second album. leona had the biggest selling uk album of 2007 so even in this uncertain era for the music industry, this hopefully means a sophomore effort is a dead cert!

celetia – special

the uk’s answer to brandy and aaliyah in the 90s – sadly without the success but happily without the drama. this was from her second album, ‘runaway skies’.

shola ama – who’s loving my baby

still waiting on that comeback, shola. and sister sadie’s debut for that matter….what’s going on ladies? shola had the biggest selling r&b album in the uk, of all time.

lemar – fresh

things have also gone a bit quiet on the lemar front, after three successful albums. apparently a radio DJ in barbados mistakenly announced his name was ‘lemar bedingfield’  and now the population, or at least those listening, now believe he is related to those tiresome, delusional big-toothed horrors….as if!