dirty martini

old music for new people

the perfect prince set list December 13, 2007

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i saw prince at the o2. as you may know, he played short (just over an hour) sets and switched the set list every night.

we got 7, cream, purple rain, kiss, controversy, i feel for you, u got the look and acoustic snippets of diamonds and pearls, raspberry beret, little red corvette and the beautiful ones. i’m not complaining, but it left me wanting to hear the other 200 or so prince tracks on my ipod, live.

now as long as i’m not in the nosebleed section again – how steep is level 4 at the o2?? – my dream is that prince will return. after all, if the rolling stones were to be believed in their pre-concert marketing hype, their last 50 or so concerts have been ‘your last chance to see the stones – ever’. right. one you can safely hold your breath on. my mum actually believed this threat during the latest tour and finally went to see them.

so if friends and sex and the city can reunite, ricky gervais can write more ‘office’ and take that, boyzone, the spice girls and countless others can reunite, best believe this is not the last we will see of prince on tour. PLEASE.

and if he does, this is my fantasy set list. as far as i could whittle it down.

check out my previous prince at the o2 post, some rare prince, the rest of the paisley park family and those that tried to jack his style anyway and even more attempts to steal his sound.

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if i love you tonight (1976)

i wanna be your lover (1979)

dirty mind (1980)

1999 (1982)

purple rain (1983)

17 days (1983)

when doves cry (1983)

extra loveable (1983)

wonderful ass (1983)

erotic city (1984)

raspberry beret (1984)

nothing compares 2 u (1984)

girls and boys (1986)

hot thing (1987)

alphabet st (1988)

thieves in the temple (1990)

gett off (1991)

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songs you turn down on your ipod: annoy people on the bus December 11, 2007

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since i bought an ipod classic i’ve realised its actually quite difficult to piss people off on the tube with your poor taste in muisc. the bloody things aren’t loud enough, all you can hear is the inevitable annoucement of ‘signal failure at arnos grove’.

so, now that the EU have decided to limit our ability to block out the sounds emitted by a rackety tube train hurtling (sometimes) down a tunnel, perhaps the best place to annoy people is the bus. yes, the bus because there you are most likely to annoy old people. old people who ignore the screamingly obvious white earphones and plonk themselves down next to you and start asking questions.

stop taking your earphones out to politely respond to their query as to whether you think the bus service is getting worse. of course it is, that’s a rhetorical question. this is london – you must learn to pay more and expect less. how rude of some technology-dodger to interrupt your commute. ignore them. turn up your ’embarrassing shit i like’ playlist and see what carnage ensues.

i have quite a lot of bad taste…check out my original ipod sins and those i tried unsuccessfully to inflict upon my fellow tube passengers.

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10cc – dreadlock holiday

‘i don’t like cricket. i love it!’ nonsensical jukebox favourite.

amy grant – baby baby

amy was a god bothering gospel singer. which no one realised until after they’d bought this bouncy debut single.

boy meets girl – waiting for a star to fall

no song featured on the soundtrack to a film like ‘three men and a little lady’, or anything starring tom selleck, was ever going to be that cool.

debbie gibson – lost in your eyes

hard to believe now, but when britney launched people compared her to squeaky teen debbie. loved the reference to ‘electric youth’ in ugly betty.

elton john and kiki dee – don’t go breaking my heart

your mum likes this. therefore you shouldn’t.

heart – alone

80s hair rock is so not cool. except for this.

heavy d and the boyz – now that we found love

i love this more than the original and actually cheered when this was played at the end of ‘hitch’.

kids from fame – starmaker

way too worthy stage school brats sing about how tough it is when you’re on a scholarship.

pet shop boys – heart

camp and deadpan were revered as musical geniuses in the 80s. it was all a bit too atmospheric for me but i like this one.

rah band – clouds across the moon

spoken word intros are corny as anything. especially when you throw in a pink phone and shocked expression.

roxette – it must have been love

this is the most credible record roxette ever recorded. witness ‘joyride’ and ‘dressed for success’.

vanessa williams – save the best for last

totally lost its credibility after being used in a bisto ad. oh ok it was never cool in the first place…love wilhelmina slater though.

 

high school musical: by john hughes December 9, 2007

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the name ‘john hughes’ might not mean much to anyone under 30.

but those born in the 60s and 70s know that john hughes ruled 80s teen movies. he used the all conquering brat pack throughout the series and molly ringwald, anthony michael hall, andrew mccarthy, ally sheedy and judd nelson have failed to capture comparable success since.

the characters, ferris bueller apart, emerged from obscurity to challenge and overcome their shallower rivals. the difference between the UK and US became apparent watching these films. cheerleading and after school activity in general was not cool. the outcasts who drank, smoked and hung out in smoky clubs were more easily identifiable.

top 10 conventions of the john hughes high school movie:

  1. unrequited love
  2. blonde bitchy cheerleaders
  3. good looking social outcast
  4. annoying younger brother and sister
  5. rich vs poor
  6. geeks who play cards
  7. main character has saturday job
  8. demon headmaster
  9. deluded parents
  10. implausible hookup

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pretty in pink

omd – if you leave, nik kershaw – wouldn’t it be good

molly ringwald wasn’t the best candidate for a 90% pink wardrobe, being ginger and all. my favourite character was the lounging steff, a vision in white linen as he sauntered around the school. of course he was about 30 at the time so youthful awkwardness may have been an acting lesson too far for james spader. obligatory indie club scene is present and correct, as is gym class bitching between molly and blonde cheerleader with one sided ponytail.

the breakfast club

simple minds – dont you forget about me, karla devito – we are not alone

this movie defined the high school stereotypes throughout all of john hughes’ films – the princess whose parents drink and fights, the jock who only plays football to please his dad, the geek who came close to blowing up the school, the outcast with the attitude who everyone secretly fancies and the outcast with the messy hair who puts on some mascara and – voila!- pulls the captain of the football team.

sixteen candles

spandau ballet – true, wham – young guns

charlie sheen-alike senior dumps blonde cheerleader girlfriend for ginger nobody with no experience. US high school can’t be that tough then. the highlight of this movie is exchange student long duck dong, who in the politically incorrect 80s instantly becomes ‘the weird chinese guy in mike’s room’ since no one can be bothered to pronounce his name.

ferris bueller’s day off

yello – oh yeah, wayne newton – danke schoen

not as popular as ‘no one puts baby in the corner’, but much funnier, ‘no one leaves my cheese out in the wind’ was just one great moment from headmaster ed rooney. how come matthew broderick doesn’t get any older?  why didn’t we see more from the actor who played cameron, than just a cameo in ‘speed’? how did ferris have all that technology in one room?

weird science

oingo boingo – weird science, los lobos – don’t worry baby

this movie led a million adolescent boys to cling to the belief that beyond the rejection of every single girl in their class, was the possibility of a kelly le brock-alike if they could only tap a few passwords into a chunky computer and attach some wires to a couple of potatoes and a lava lamp. hence the IT skills crisis once these delusionals graduated about a decade later.

some kind of wonderful

propaganda – dr mabuse, stephen duffy – she loves me

two outcasts who clearly belong together, but one has loftier ambitions. apparently some viewers were unhappy that ‘pretty in pink’ saw the rich boy get the girl, and this movie was developed to redress the balance. one question – if you know turning up to a party will almost definitely get your arse kicked…why go?

 

high school musical: the 90s December 8, 2007

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it’s a testament to the scary times we live in that something as anodyne, safe and unchallenging as high school musical is so popular and gratefully received by fearful parents.

gone are the days when kids looked up to rebels – these days they actually swallow the moralistic, gap-sweatered cheese the establishment tried so hard to push in the 50s, and again in the 70s. i am talking about the kids who aren’t out shooting their classmates and working on their next asbo, obviously.

don’t call them throwback to the kids from fame – those kids had more grit. even the partridge family look hardcore compared to drippy gabriella and troy.

as in high school musical, my generation, the 90s high school crowd, were infinitely more stylish than the 80s crowd we looked up to, and no less bitchy. but the similarities with gabriella and co end there. the class of the 90s had designer polish by day but by night they lived the 90s dream – drugs, clubs and alcohol. yes, even yanks got pissed in 90s teen movies.

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never been kissed

madonna – like a prayer, ozomatli – cumbia de los muertos

the original version of the madonna classic is far superior and well used in this movie. the reggae club scene shows how underage partying has merged into the adult scene and lost its edge. gone are the days of smoky clubs and out of control house parties – the 90s girls have endless wardrobes and no need to work in record stores or gas stations to fund their social lives.

10 things i hate about you

brick – dazz,  kci and jojo – all my life

old skool funk and 80s soul ruled this soundtrack, and made such a refreshing contrast to the usual dreary US teen angst rock so prevalent in these movies, to the bemusement of the UK where complaint rock is so not popular. some indie warbling did slip past but the main character was resolutely alternative so this was to be expected…

american pie

etta james – at last, paul simon – mrs robinson

well this soundtrack was a bit of a mishmash of genres and these were probably the least offensive. again, the US preoccupation with MOR rock shines through most of the other tracks.

can’t hardly wait

kp and envyi – swing my way, tone loc – funky cold medina

not so great movie, much better soundtrack. miaow – but, does anyone really think jennifer love hewitt is attractive enough to play an obsessive love interest? i’m not buying it personally, can’t see the fuss. but then i’m not supposed to as i’m a girl.

she’s all that

rick james – give it to me baby, goldie – believe

by the late 90s, high school mean girls are apparently dating reality tv z-listers. never in the breakfast club. throw in some superfluous cameos by lil kim and usher within the lead characters’ army of skanks and apparently you have a movie. again – NEVER IN THE BREAKFAST CLUB.

clueless

coolio – rollin’ with my homies, no doubt – just a girl

generation defining movie that started the high school movie ball rolling again. alicia silverstone broke the mould as the teen queen with a heart. 12 years later, people are still saying ‘whatever’ and ‘as if’. much like ‘valley girl’ before it, clueless made er, being clueless, cool again.

 

sex and the city: the soundtrack season five December 6, 2007

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season 5 used to be my least favourite, mostly cos its so short.

but watching it now, the episodes represent big changes for the characters – carrie transforms from scraping-by journalist to minor celebrity author who can actually afford those manolos. charlotte meets soulmate harry. miranda does the unthinkable and embraces motherhood. and samantha recovers from richard in time for the arrival of smith in season 6.

i didn’t used to like the berger episodes. i found him irritating and snappy. but since i watched him in ‘office space’ i like his character in satc a lot more. ‘office space’ is a unsung gem of a movie if you like ‘the office’ and even features jennifer aniston.

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al green – i can’t get next to you

chicago – if you leave me now

db boulevard – point of view

earth wind and fire – shining star

global communication – the groove

gloria gaynor – just keep thinking about you

ladytron – playgirl

lo fidelity allstars – somebody needs you

los straitjackets – furious

montefiori cocktail – sofisticata

otis redding – try a little tenderness

thievery corporation – indra

 

i need a little ghetto heaven December 3, 2007

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so called ghetto names get a bad press. but why? what are people supposed to name their kids? madison? purlease…it’s the last bastion of racism. although the chavs get a similar pasting in the UK for naming their kids after cars and booze.

why can’t people just leave each other alone? you only have to look to celebrities for the stupidest names. apple? brooklyn?

don’t even get me started on bob geldof. the point of this post? well i was scrolling through itunes and realised that ghetto names are no new phenonenom and their owners are responsible for some cool music.

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beyonce – ring the alarm

che’nelle – i fell in love with the dj

javon jackson – in this corner

latavia roberson – rock with me

latoiya williams – fallen star

latrelle – house party

lemarvin – circumstance

shontelle – focus pon me

starleana young – heartbreaker

taja sevelle – love is contagious

teairra mari – get up on ya gangsta

tramaine – how i got over

 

x factor 2007:back to the day job December 1, 2007

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 now, i love the x factor but this year it’s going downhill. finding someone as talented as leona lewis was always going to be a problem but something is seriously wrong here. i can barely watch what’s going to happen.

simon is staking his claim on an unlikely spice girls reunion induced girlband fever and the high school musical cashcow rather than credibility this year. louis is doing that odd rocking backwards and forwards thing again which makes him look like an outpatient on bingo leave. sharon’s frustration at the vote fixing is bubbling over for anyone to see. dannii is clearly trying to rise above the unspoken criticism that she’s in no position to judge anyone’s singing ability.

they tried to turn this series into american idol – so much so, hell, why not call it a season. the four judges sit there, knowing that brian friedman, the allegedly straight choreographer has screwed the acts up so entirely with his ludicrous performance direction that they can’t concentrate. but they can’t say anything, see, cos he’s playing along with this whole charade that he decided to step down from the judge’s panel himself. if they place the decline of this year’s x factor squarely at his feet, as well they might, he’ll sing like a canary. a really camp one.

most of these acts have already gone but i hope and pray for a wildcard week. forget lady shiverz and the fact that alisha was given bum songs apart from ‘valerie’. forget that rhydian is essentially a novelty act. forget that hope are sorely needed to relieve those queues back in primark. forget the fact that niki appears to have gone a bit doolally. forget the fact that simon is running out of non-incestuous songs for same difference. we need to start over.

in reality, i don’t really care about any of the acts who are left but i suppose i would prefer niki to win, of anyone. and this is what they should sing:

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alisha should sing…tracy chapman – fast car

kimberley should sing…tina arena – show me heaven

emily should sing…amerie – crush

futureproof should sing…after 7 – nights like this

hope should sing…mary jane girls – in my house

same difference should sing…rihanna and chris brown – umbrella

beverley should sing…gladys knight – if i were your woman

niki should sing…wendy moten – come in out of the rain

old faceless bloke who thinks he’s james blunt…hall and oates – rich girl

leon should sing…stevie wonder – knocks me off my feet

rhydian should sing…barry manilow – weekend in new england

young faceless bloke who think’s he’s james blunt…savage garden – to the moon and back