since i bought an ipod classic i’ve realised its actually quite difficult to piss people off on the tube with your poor taste in muisc. the bloody things aren’t loud enough, all you can hear is the inevitable annoucement of ‘signal failure at arnos grove’.
so, now that the EU have decided to limit our ability to block out the sounds emitted by a rackety tube train hurtling (sometimes) down a tunnel, perhaps the best place to annoy people is the bus. yes, the bus because there you are most likely to annoy old people. old people who ignore the screamingly obvious white earphones and plonk themselves down next to you and start asking questions.
stop taking your earphones out to politely respond to their query as to whether you think the bus service is getting worse. of course it is, that’s a rhetorical question. this is london – you must learn to pay more and expect less. how rude of some technology-dodger to interrupt your commute. ignore them. turn up your ’embarrassing shit i like’ playlist and see what carnage ensues.
10cc – dreadlock holiday
‘i don’t like cricket. i love it!’ nonsensical jukebox favourite.
amy grant – baby baby
amy was a god bothering gospel singer. which no one realised until after they’d bought this bouncy debut single.
boy meets girl – waiting for a star to fall
no song featured on the soundtrack to a film like ‘three men and a little lady’, or anything starring tom selleck, was ever going to be that cool.
debbie gibson – lost in your eyes
hard to believe now, but when britney launched people compared her to squeaky teen debbie. loved the reference to ‘electric youth’ in ugly betty.
elton john and kiki dee – don’t go breaking my heart
your mum likes this. therefore you shouldn’t.
heart – alone
80s hair rock is so not cool. except for this.
heavy d and the boyz – now that we found love
i love this more than the original and actually cheered when this was played at the end of ‘hitch’.
kids from fame – starmaker
way too worthy stage school brats sing about how tough it is when you’re on a scholarship.
pet shop boys – heart
camp and deadpan were revered as musical geniuses in the 80s. it was all a bit too atmospheric for me but i like this one.
rah band – clouds across the moon
spoken word intros are corny as anything. especially when you throw in a pink phone and shocked expression.
roxette – it must have been love
this is the most credible record roxette ever recorded. witness ‘joyride’ and ‘dressed for success’.
vanessa williams – save the best for last
totally lost its credibility after being used in a bisto ad. oh ok it was never cool in the first place…love wilhelmina slater though.