dirty martini

old music for new people

more songs to turn down on your ipod: guilty pleasures October 21, 2007

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 do sound isolating earbuds also mask what you’re listening to?

i can barely be bothered to create an illusion of cool whilst i’m sat on the tube at 8am. lets face it, if i was that concerned then i probably would apply my makeup at home. after my last post – songs you turn down on your ipod – i realised that i have quite a lot of bad taste.

if you like something, why wouldn’t you listen to it? i don’t care what some suit with his legs wide open and a paper in my face thinks anyway. so these days i turn up my more embarrassing selections. at the very least someone will get a laugh out of it and god knows there’s not much to smile about if you commute into london.

unless sweat, delays and idiotic tourists with backpacks the size of a small shed are your thing, in which case…this playlist will seem tame by your standards.

download here

abba – that’s me

think ‘dancing queen’ is cheesy? have you heard the rest of ‘arrival’? the campest (best) abba album, dealing with such pressing subjects as kissing your teacher, your boyfriend preferring his violin to you, and being a tiger. and this – about being a bit of an old slapper and not someone to take home to the parents.

barry manilow – copacabana

the first line gives it away. ‘her name was lola. she was a showgirl.’ this camp classic by the hook nosed one actually wasn’t a big hit, but everyone knows it anyway.

betty boo – 24 hours

in 1990, betty was not cheesy and her west london twanged rapping was not ludicrous. i think world cup euphoria must have addled our brains…and this is the most credible track i could find on boomania. ‘doin’ the do’ and ‘where are you baby’ are so bad even i don’t listen to them.

billy ocean – get outta my dreams

if billy had been a poor man’s lionel richie to date, this track didn’t change much.  actual car noises at the start of any track mentioning a car should give you a sorry indication of what’s to follow.

deacon blue – chocolate girl

deacon blue are late 80s scot pop-rock and do not fit in my collection. they now inhabit the MOR scrapheaps of capital and virgin radio. probably. i never listen to either. i might be tempted if i thought this would be played…

gloria estefan – get on your feet

latin numbers are party and party equals cheese. the ‘sort your life out’ lyrics add to the worthiness of the proceedings but somehow this is still an enjoyable listen. or is it just me?

janet jackson and cliff richard – two to the power of love

no that isn’t a typing error and no i’m not pissed. in 1984, janet recorded a duet with the pop dinosaur (even then) that only ever saw the light of day on her ‘dream street’ album. of course, if she was pregnant at the time as claimed, we can put it all down to hormones.

kylie minogue – shocked

preteen girls are fickle and after ‘better the devil you know’, most of kylie’s fanbase had delusions of adulthood that led them to aspire to an appreciation of such musical luminaries as er, color me badd. SAW was over. but you taped this off the radio, just in case.

nick kamen – each time you break my heart

levi’s model nick was a bit too pretty. but pretty boys worked in the late 80s, and his madonna association didn’t hurt much either.

paula abdul – opposites attract

the cartoon cat – mc skat kat for those that care, top cat with a cigar basically  – actually sang better than paula. i looooved this, and ant and dec turning up to an american idol audition and singing this to a confused paula, simon and randy was genius.

toto – hold the line

oh god, if ‘africa’ wasn’t bad enough, once my mum heard this, toto was firmly entrenched in her playlist. and now it’s got to me as well.

wilson phillips – you’re in love

big hair? check. record deal via nepotism? check. singing in unison as voices not strong enough individually? check. gratuitous use of white chiffon? check. for all that it should have been a disaster. and oh, it was.

it doesn’t end here…

or even there…

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ibiza: the brits are coming

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if you’ve ever seen ibiza uncovered but not actually visited the island, chances are your perceptions are slightly misled.

the antics of the young brits who descend on san antonio each year probably would seem tame in comparison to what’s occuring in benidorm, lanzarote and tenerife. but no one made a series about those places, to my knowledge.

sure, those who visited up until 1994 may be disheartened by the transformation but san antonio apart, the place does retain a balearic vibe. you can still get those funny little spanish crisps in lots of different shapes. the staple vodka limon has not been usurped by designer cocktails and red bull.

the change was evident in 1996 – the soundtrack to las salinas beach was oasis, totally at odds with the club scene but representative of what was happening back in the uk. you struggled to find cheap club entry so you spent some nights in those all night bars in the west end where if you buy four san miguels you get a free bottle of teichenne schnapps. which lets face it was too much freedom for brits used to stingy measures and archaic licensing laws, and could have been directly responsible for the mayhem displayed in ibiza uncovered…

whatever happens with the image though, the music stayed true to itself. 1996 saw the armand van helden invasion that inadvertently kickstarted the speed garage scene back home.

check out my ibiza 1994 post and also an ode to the balearic vibe of the early 00s.

download here

junior vasquez – if madonna calls

josh wink – higher state of consciousness

love tribe – stand up – alcatraz remix

cj bolland – sugar is sweeter – armand van helden mix

tori amos – professional widow – armand van helden

stretch and vern – i’m alive

lisa marie experience – keep on jumpin’

todd terry – jumpin’ – rhythm master remix

full intention – america

ken doh – i need a lover tonight

planet soul – set u free

mighty dub kats – magic carpet ride – son of wilmot original

rozzo – into your heart

wildchild – renegade master

cool jack – just come – sharp blasted dub

natural born grooves – forerunner

mory kante – yeke yeke – hardfloor mix

hysteric ego – want love

faithless – insomnia

dj scot project – u

mary kiani – 100% – tall paul mix

amen uk – passion